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Xavier Mendoza • March 18, 2021

Deteriorating health. A marriage on the rocks. Conflicts at work. The iceberg, dead ahead. Awareness buys you time, and time buys you options. What happens though when a sudden event brings your life to a complete stop?

I assumed March 2nd would go as any other normal Tuesday. The only difference was that my third child was scheduled to be born that morning. In retrospect, my first mistake was the assumption (perhaps a bit of hubris) that we would be in and out of the delivery room with no issue. According to my plan, after a check-in at 8:30 AM at the hospital, my third child would be brought into this world at around 11:00 AM, and I was wondering what the plan was for lunch. At 5:00 PM, he still wasn’t here. At 6:00 PM, he still wasn’t here. Congratulatory texts from family and friends sat unanswered as my wife and I wondered what was going wrong. 

When my son finally made his appearance, he was unresponsive. A healthy pregnancy up until the day of delivery. This wasn’t in my plans for the day. My mental and physical existence was equally split, simultaneously. Mentally, I was attempting to reassure my wife that everything was going to be just fine, while stepping out onto the battlefield for some spiritual warfare. Physically, I was attempting to hold my wife’s hand to reassure her that everything was going to be just fine while using my other hand to manipulate an infant manual resuscitation bag, while the doctors tried to address the other issues plaguing my son.  

As the next week in the hospital unfolded, I am unsure if I had to witness anything worse than my son being taken from my wife’s chest in the delivery room just mere seconds after being placed there, as the doctors explained that he needed to be in the NICU with no further delay. As I followed the doctors and my son to the NICU, I turned around to look at my wife still laying on the delivery room bed, tears streaming from her face. I closed the door without a word. This wasn’t in my plans.

I immediately became angry and resentful as I followed the doctors down the hallway. I wasn’t listening to Him. We are told in Proverbs 3:5 to “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding”. At that moment, I didn’t trust Him and I thought I could lean on my own understanding. I knew better than what I was acting. My faith is strong and I allowed doubt and uncertainty to consume me. As I continued to be in prayer and thought throughout the week, visiting my son’s bed in the NICU as he lay there attached to wires and tubes, I came to realize that my greatest failure was not my son’s health or my wife’s well-being, because I had no control over that. My greatest failure was an inability to listen to Him, an inability to be still and allow Him to work. 

I was in a hurry to get my son home. I was in a hurry to get back to normal. 

As my son’s condition improved, I submitted everything I had to the Lord and finally gave up what little (if any) control that I had left. I submitted my heart, my mind, and my plans. I acknowledged that I was not sufficient enough to save my son, my wife, or myself. It never ceases to amaze me how words of the Bible come to life. I met Him halfway through Proverbs 3:6 (“in all your ways submit to Him”), and he held up His end (“and He will make your paths straight”).

Our third child was born on March 2nd and was discharged from the NICU on March 8th. He is a completely healthy boy, and now our party of five is complete. Relative to some of the other children (and parents) we saw in the NICU, we made it out of there pretty easily. NICU was not in my plans and I handled it pretty terribly in the beginning. The MINUTE that I submitted my heart, mind, and soul to God in that hospital hallway, crying uncontrollably, I felt His presence and knew that we were going home with our son.

Men, be still and listen. Step outside of yourself and recognize that we do not possess nearly the amount of control that we believe we should have. In the midst of a difficult situation, submit to Him and your paths will be made straight. We know that whoever exalts himself will be humbled. The next time you face difficulty, give it all to Him………and wait. I promise He will be there.

James 4:10 “Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up.”

Alignment

By Paul B • March 29, 2025
Rise with Purpose, Live Honorably, Lead Courageously, Love Unconditionally

Acquisition & Action

By Paul B • March 25, 2025
Acquisition & Action: Discovering the Power of Intentional Inaction

3 Step Vision Casting

By Paul B • March 23, 2025
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𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐔𝐧𝐯𝐞𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠…. 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥 𝐘𝐎𝐔

By Paul B • March 23, 2025
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SIlence the Noise

By Paul B • March 23, 2025
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Owning Peace

By Paul B • March 23, 2025
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Identity Crisis

By Paul B • March 23, 2025
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Who Am I

By Paul B • March 23, 2025
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A Period of Agony

By Paul B • March 13, 2025
Sit In It… Experience It… Learn From It Some days, sadness feels overwhelming, almost tangible, as if it’s trying to teach us something we’ve yet to learn. Today, I find myself in such a moment—sitting in sadness, letting it wash over me, tears coming unbidden. I don’t often linger here, but today, I feel compelled to sit with it for a moment. Why? I can’t quite pinpoint it. Perhaps it’s a deep longing to be better—better than I was, better than I am, better than I ever thought I could be. Or perhaps it’s the weight of realizing I haven’t always lived up to the man I’ve aspired to become. It’s easy to catalog the ways I could have been more: more kind, more patient, more compassionate, more present. I could have been more diligent, more understanding, more thoughtful. I could have loved more—deeper, better, and with more intention. The adversities of life have often distracted me, frustrated my purpose, and shifted my focus inward when I should have been outwardly focused on others. And yet, as much as regret can pull us into despair, perhaps sadness has its own purpose. Perhaps sadness invites us to pause, reflect, and grow. Sitting in sadness doesn’t have to mean wallowing in it. It can mean experiencing it, letting it teach us, and learning from it. Perhaps the tears and the ache remind me of what I do not want to be. They remind me of the kind of man I should be and the man I still desire to become. Sadness can become a teacher if we let it—a mirror that reflects not just the brokenness but also the possibilities. Maybe it’s here to show me that I can still be kind, compassionate, patient, and empathetic. That I can still learn to be more present, more thoughtful, and more loving. Maybe sadness is enabling me to see through the smoke, guiding me toward clarity and a deeper understanding of myself. As hard as it is, perhaps I’m meant to sit in this sadness for a moment. To let it shape me into someone who can better serve others, help them feel seen, and guide them toward joy, peace, and fulfillment. So today, I sit with it. I experience it. I learn from it. And when the sadness lifts, I’ll emerge as someone more thoughtful, more loving, and more attuned to the needs of others.  Because maybe that’s the purpose of sadness—to deepen our humanity, broaden our capacity for love, and remind us of the human we’re striving to become.

Be More Intentional

By Paul B • February 25, 2025
For the first 32 years of my life, I wandered aimlessly. Every road I took seemed to end in a dead end. I jumped from job to job, 👎🏼 Unsure of what I wanted. I surrounded myself with the wrong crowds, 👎🏼 Trying to fill a void. I chased shortcuts to success, 👎🏼 Without even knowing what success truly was. Man, I was a mess. The Good ✅ Through it all, I learned some hard lessons. I developed grit, fortitude, and determination. The Bad ❌ It took me 32 long years to start living in a way that was honorable, respectable, and positively progressive. I’m grateful for both—the lessons and the journey—but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t wish I’d figured it out sooner. I know there are other men out there who’ve felt—or are feeling—the same: Frustration, Heartache, Fatigue, Confusion, Defeat. If that’s you, hear me out. Over the past eight years, I’ve learned one powerful truth: Success, money, jobs, friends… none of it really matters until you’ve figured out one thing— 👉🏼 WHO YOU ARE. This was the missing ingredient for me for so many years. And I know it’s the missing ingredient for so many other men right now. Maybe it’s what you’re missing, too. Do not let this be the thing that continues to hold you back from the progress, fulfillment, and purpose you’re seeking. Here’s what I want to share with you: One of the frameworks that helped me uncover WHO I AM. It’s simple. But it’s not easy. It requires time, diligence, and a willingness to dig deep into your heart and existence. But it works. Use it. Don’t procrastinate. Don’t let another dead end stop you. Because here’s the truth: everything good, honorable, trustworthy, noble, and praiseworthy in life flows from one place—WHO YOU ARE at your core. The D.E.S.I.G.N. Framework: This framework is designed to help you identify your unique makeup: Drives: What excites you? What fires you up? Experiences: What unique experiences have shaped you into the man you are today? Spirituality: How do you best connect with God? Impact: What arena do you feel most compelled to influence or contribute to? Genius: What are the things you do repeatedly, successfully, and joyfully? Nature: What’s your personality? Are you more extroverted or introverted? Do you thrive in structure or spontaneity? This is simply a starting point. But starting is key. If you need help working through this or figuring out your next steps, don’t hesitate to reach out.  Your journey starts with YOU. Don’t wait any longer to uncover who that is.
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