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Xavier Mendoza • April 12, 2021

It is 2021 and we are already four months into the new year. As much as I would like to say things are looking up, at times I still feel stuck in neutral. I feel locked down and under immense pressure, not from work or family, as those do present their own levels of pressure…no…it is from the desire to connect or reconnect.

You see, we are social creatures by design and we need interaction for a number of things to help guide us through our day and our life. When I heard the term “social distancing”, it sounded more like a 1980s punk rock band versus a means to keep people safe. Yet, here we are having to put on our masks and distance as far as we can to persevere. When I think about what we have all endured up to this point, it brings to mind James 1:2-4,  “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

I love his positive outlook in this scripture and it is so true, but how was I supposed to know that in 2020, I was going to go through what seemed like a lifetime of perseverance in one year?  I’ll be honest, 2020 was a struggle, but it was not as bad as it could have been or at least was for others. I am extremely grateful for God’s grace and protection and thank him for all the good things he brought forth and helped me realize during this trying time. After all, it is God who takes tragedy and turns it into good. 

So like I do most times, I asked God what is causing me to be stuck, feel deflated, and at times depressed?  I prayed, meditated a little, and sat back and listened this time. Usually, it takes me a while to listen and focus, but for some reason, the answer was there, right in front of me like a lightning flash in the sky.  Connections and social engagement!  God knows what we need and he knows how important it is for us to connect with our friends, family, neighbors, co-workers, or in my case, a stranger at the grocery store.  The lesson or takeaway here is we need people and we need to be around people, new people…people we can connect with, share stories with, or just enjoy each other’s company or a cup of coffee. 

Here is the hard part, people are not going to come to you…you are going to have to work to engage, reach out, establish, and re-establish those connections.  Perhaps through a Zoom call or FaceTime, but talking to someone face-to-face adds a new level of enlightenment, joy, and satisfaction. 
If there is one lesson I have learned from this strange and odd pandemic-ridden time, it’s the value of connections and the need to be intentional in reaching out. It does not matter if you are an extrovert or introvert, we all need to engage, share stories, and talk about our day. 

So make it a point every day to connect with someone new. Send them a text, give someone a call, or on your next walk stop and say hi and chat with your neighbor.  I think you will find, as much as I have, that the emotional and psychological impact of re-connecting has improved my mental well-being and has shifted me back into drive.
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– James Oliver – 

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𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐔𝐧𝐯𝐞𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠…. 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥 𝐘𝐎𝐔

By Paul B • March 23, 2025
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SIlence the Noise

By Paul B • March 23, 2025
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Owning Peace

By Paul B • March 23, 2025
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Identity Crisis

By Paul B • March 23, 2025
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Who Am I

By Paul B • March 23, 2025
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A Period of Agony

By Paul B • March 13, 2025
Sit In It… Experience It… Learn From It Some days, sadness feels overwhelming, almost tangible, as if it’s trying to teach us something we’ve yet to learn. Today, I find myself in such a moment—sitting in sadness, letting it wash over me, tears coming unbidden. I don’t often linger here, but today, I feel compelled to sit with it for a moment. Why? I can’t quite pinpoint it. Perhaps it’s a deep longing to be better—better than I was, better than I am, better than I ever thought I could be. Or perhaps it’s the weight of realizing I haven’t always lived up to the man I’ve aspired to become. It’s easy to catalog the ways I could have been more: more kind, more patient, more compassionate, more present. I could have been more diligent, more understanding, more thoughtful. I could have loved more—deeper, better, and with more intention. The adversities of life have often distracted me, frustrated my purpose, and shifted my focus inward when I should have been outwardly focused on others. And yet, as much as regret can pull us into despair, perhaps sadness has its own purpose. Perhaps sadness invites us to pause, reflect, and grow. Sitting in sadness doesn’t have to mean wallowing in it. It can mean experiencing it, letting it teach us, and learning from it. Perhaps the tears and the ache remind me of what I do not want to be. They remind me of the kind of man I should be and the man I still desire to become. Sadness can become a teacher if we let it—a mirror that reflects not just the brokenness but also the possibilities. Maybe it’s here to show me that I can still be kind, compassionate, patient, and empathetic. That I can still learn to be more present, more thoughtful, and more loving. Maybe sadness is enabling me to see through the smoke, guiding me toward clarity and a deeper understanding of myself. As hard as it is, perhaps I’m meant to sit in this sadness for a moment. To let it shape me into someone who can better serve others, help them feel seen, and guide them toward joy, peace, and fulfillment. So today, I sit with it. I experience it. I learn from it. And when the sadness lifts, I’ll emerge as someone more thoughtful, more loving, and more attuned to the needs of others.  Because maybe that’s the purpose of sadness—to deepen our humanity, broaden our capacity for love, and remind us of the human we’re striving to become.

Be More Intentional

By Paul B • February 25, 2025
For the first 32 years of my life, I wandered aimlessly. Every road I took seemed to end in a dead end. I jumped from job to job, 👎🏼 Unsure of what I wanted. I surrounded myself with the wrong crowds, 👎🏼 Trying to fill a void. I chased shortcuts to success, 👎🏼 Without even knowing what success truly was. Man, I was a mess. The Good ✅ Through it all, I learned some hard lessons. I developed grit, fortitude, and determination. The Bad ❌ It took me 32 long years to start living in a way that was honorable, respectable, and positively progressive. I’m grateful for both—the lessons and the journey—but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t wish I’d figured it out sooner. I know there are other men out there who’ve felt—or are feeling—the same: Frustration, Heartache, Fatigue, Confusion, Defeat. If that’s you, hear me out. Over the past eight years, I’ve learned one powerful truth: Success, money, jobs, friends… none of it really matters until you’ve figured out one thing— 👉🏼 WHO YOU ARE. This was the missing ingredient for me for so many years. And I know it’s the missing ingredient for so many other men right now. Maybe it’s what you’re missing, too. Do not let this be the thing that continues to hold you back from the progress, fulfillment, and purpose you’re seeking. Here’s what I want to share with you: One of the frameworks that helped me uncover WHO I AM. It’s simple. But it’s not easy. It requires time, diligence, and a willingness to dig deep into your heart and existence. But it works. Use it. Don’t procrastinate. Don’t let another dead end stop you. Because here’s the truth: everything good, honorable, trustworthy, noble, and praiseworthy in life flows from one place—WHO YOU ARE at your core. The D.E.S.I.G.N. Framework: This framework is designed to help you identify your unique makeup: Drives: What excites you? What fires you up? Experiences: What unique experiences have shaped you into the man you are today? Spirituality: How do you best connect with God? Impact: What arena do you feel most compelled to influence or contribute to? Genius: What are the things you do repeatedly, successfully, and joyfully? Nature: What’s your personality? Are you more extroverted or introverted? Do you thrive in structure or spontaneity? This is simply a starting point. But starting is key. If you need help working through this or figuring out your next steps, don’t hesitate to reach out.  Your journey starts with YOU. Don’t wait any longer to uncover who that is.
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