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Paul B • January 21, 2025

Have you ever found yourself asking:


  • “Why the F do I think or act this way?”
  • “What the F is wrong with me?”
  • “Who the F am I?”

We’ve all been there—moments of frustration and self-doubt where nothing seems to make sense. Sometimes, we even ask these questions with as much passion as when we drop the real "F" bomb. Is it right or wrong to feel this way? Why does it feel so raw, yet so necessary?


The truth is, we’re not alone in these moments of chaos.


Why Do We Feel This Way?


If you’ve ever wrestled with the gap between who you are and who you want to be, know this: it’s part of our human design.


  • Maybe your past has shaped the way you think, act, or react, and you don’t fully understand why.
  • Maybe you’re frustrated because you see glimpses of the person you want to be but can’t quite live up to that vision.
  • Maybe you’re simply overwhelmed by the complexities of life and your own human nature.


Here’s the good news: God understands the depths of your soul—even when you don’t.


The Design Behind the Chaos


Those messy, humbling moments of asking “What the F?” are not failures; they’re invitations. God wants us to bring these raw emotions and questions to Him because that’s where transformation begins.


When we honestly say, “God, I don’t get me. I need You,” we open the door for Him to step into our chaos.


Letting God Into the Mess


Psalm 139 is a beautiful reminder of God’s intimate knowledge of us:
“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” (Psalm 139:23-24)


Oswald Chambers puts it this way:
“O Lord, You are the God of the early mornings, the God of the late nights, the God of the mountain peaks, and the God of the sea. But my soul has horizons further away than those of early mornings, deeper darkness than the nights of earth, higher peaks than any mountain, greater depths than any sea in nature. You who are the God of all these, be my God. I cannot reach to the heights or to the depths; there are motives I cannot discover, dreams I cannot realize without You. My God, search me.”


In other words, God is not just the God of the obvious and the tangible; He’s the God of the unseen places in your heart—the places you can’t even understand.


Practical Steps to Surrender


  1. Acknowledge the Mess
    It’s okay to admit you don’t have all the answers. Be honest with yourself and God about what’s bothering you.
  2. Ask the Hard Questions
    Instead of avoiding your frustration, bring it to God. Ask Him to reveal what’s beneath the surface.
  3. Trust His Process
    Healing and transformation don’t happen overnight. Allow God to work in His timing, even if it feels uncomfortable or slow.
  4. Stay in the Conversation
    Don’t let the questions and doubts push you away from God. Use them as a reason to draw closer to Him.


A Final Word


Your frustrations and failures aren’t evidence of your inadequacy—they’re a signal that you’re in a place where God can work. Invite Him into your mess, and let Him transform it into something meaningful, purposeful, and whole.


Quotes to Reflect On


  • “God is not intimidated by your mess—He’s waiting to meet you in it and transform it into something meaningful.”
  • “Our greatest frustrations often point to the places where God is inviting us to ask, ‘Who am I, and where is He leading me?’”
  • “You may not understand the ‘why’ behind your struggles, but God does—and He holds the answers you’re searching for.”


So, next time you’re tempted to drop the “F” bomb in frustration, remember: it’s an opportunity to drop it at God’s feet instead.


Blessings & Honor,
Pb


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𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐔𝐧𝐯𝐞𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠…. 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥 𝐘𝐎𝐔

By Paul B • March 23, 2025
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By Paul B • March 23, 2025
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By Paul B • March 23, 2025
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By Paul B • March 23, 2025
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A Period of Agony

By Paul B • March 13, 2025
Sit In It… Experience It… Learn From It Some days, sadness feels overwhelming, almost tangible, as if it’s trying to teach us something we’ve yet to learn. Today, I find myself in such a moment—sitting in sadness, letting it wash over me, tears coming unbidden. I don’t often linger here, but today, I feel compelled to sit with it for a moment. Why? I can’t quite pinpoint it. Perhaps it’s a deep longing to be better—better than I was, better than I am, better than I ever thought I could be. Or perhaps it’s the weight of realizing I haven’t always lived up to the man I’ve aspired to become. It’s easy to catalog the ways I could have been more: more kind, more patient, more compassionate, more present. I could have been more diligent, more understanding, more thoughtful. I could have loved more—deeper, better, and with more intention. The adversities of life have often distracted me, frustrated my purpose, and shifted my focus inward when I should have been outwardly focused on others. And yet, as much as regret can pull us into despair, perhaps sadness has its own purpose. Perhaps sadness invites us to pause, reflect, and grow. Sitting in sadness doesn’t have to mean wallowing in it. It can mean experiencing it, letting it teach us, and learning from it. Perhaps the tears and the ache remind me of what I do not want to be. They remind me of the kind of man I should be and the man I still desire to become. Sadness can become a teacher if we let it—a mirror that reflects not just the brokenness but also the possibilities. Maybe it’s here to show me that I can still be kind, compassionate, patient, and empathetic. That I can still learn to be more present, more thoughtful, and more loving. Maybe sadness is enabling me to see through the smoke, guiding me toward clarity and a deeper understanding of myself. As hard as it is, perhaps I’m meant to sit in this sadness for a moment. To let it shape me into someone who can better serve others, help them feel seen, and guide them toward joy, peace, and fulfillment. So today, I sit with it. I experience it. I learn from it. And when the sadness lifts, I’ll emerge as someone more thoughtful, more loving, and more attuned to the needs of others.  Because maybe that’s the purpose of sadness—to deepen our humanity, broaden our capacity for love, and remind us of the human we’re striving to become.

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By Paul B • February 25, 2025
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